i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
