My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have fence marks all over my body
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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