he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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