I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We are all done wearing pants today
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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