WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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