Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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