Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
