im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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