Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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