ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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