Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
