i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.