that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.