remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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