Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

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  (650): I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now. http://tfl.nu/zi6o
  Replies (16) Good night (1683) Bad night (850)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.

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  (616): it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/ij8w
  Replies (15) Good night (901) Bad night (4515)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick

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  (469): Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick http://tfl.nu/zqfp
  Replies (34) Good night (1450) Bad night (5684)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.

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  (216): There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself. http://tfl.nu/jj9y
  Replies (23) Good night (1262) Bad night (4047)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.

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  (803): i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move. http://tfl.nu/ml5e
  Replies (15) Good night (1633) Bad night (4643)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.

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  (425): Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away. http://tfl.nu/ldh5
  Replies (6) Good night (3970) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.

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  (248): either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her. http://tfl.nu/6guc
  Replies (10) Good night (4668) Bad night (1328)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay

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  (512): Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay http://tfl.nu/t4tt
  Replies (9) Good night (4566) Bad night (1107)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan

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  (813): I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan http://tfl.nu/4qu1
  Replies (4) Good night (1110) Bad night (527)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.

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  (608): I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot. http://tfl.nu/aflc
  Replies (4) Good night (870) Bad night (404)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?

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  (201): Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh? http://tfl.nu/8f9v
  Replies (1) Good night (488) Bad night (388)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.

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  (804): The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette. http://tfl.nu/rkzr
  Replies (1) Good night (519) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to

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  (727): we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to http://tfl.nu/0mdu
  Replies (0) Good night (548) Bad night (238)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.

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  (609): I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy. http://tfl.nu/ma5s
  Replies (1) Good night (487) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you

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  (586): I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you http://tfl.nu/74zy
  Replies (1) Good night (294) Bad night (423)

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