You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...