You smell like a Billy Joel song
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.