There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize