There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
