God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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