the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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