I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
