Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
