He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
