is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
