oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
