My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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