What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
