Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
