So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
