if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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