but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
