Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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