and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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