you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
