Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
