I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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