I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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