So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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