I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
