He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
