I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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