So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
