i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
