I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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