make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
