I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
