He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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