On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
