i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How external is "for external use only"?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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