Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
