Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
