Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
