i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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