Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
