I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
