I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
