I am in a vortex of obligation.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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