There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The adults are the big ones right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
