Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
