Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
