Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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