There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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