Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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