dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
