Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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