so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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