She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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