I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
