tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
