people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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