I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
