When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
