i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
