I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Boobs speak an international language.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
