Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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