He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
